Movie Reviews
Review of 'Clash Of The Titans'
By Big Hollywood
Apr 3, 2010 - 12:36:28 AM

“Release the Kraken!”

If those three words don’t stir up all kinds of nostalgia for the summer of ’82 when HBO aired the original “Clash of the Titans” 9 times a day (in ’83 it was “Beastmaster,” in ’84, “Eddie and the Cruisers”), you probably shouldn’t plunk down the price of admission. What we bring to the movies plays a big role in what we get from the movies (which is why critics are absolutely useless). And if cheese and nostalgia don’t play an important role in this particular film-going choice you might find yourself a little disappointed.

Sam Worthington is Perseus, a demigod and bastard son of Zeus (Liam Neeson). He just doesn’t yet know this because as a baby a whole lot of mythology occurred that resulted in him being found by a kind fisherman and his family and raised as such. It’s only after man declares war on the gods of Olympus and his family is killed that Perseus unknowingly starts down the road towards his own destiny as he sets out for revenge against Hades (Ralph Fiennes), the god of the Underworld responsible for his family’s demise.

Hades and Zeus are estranged brothers but man’s insolence drives them to form an uneasy alliance. Zeus just wants some appreciation. Hades wants to betray Zeus and rule over everything in order to spread evil throughout humanity. The endgame involves a huge sea monster known as the Kraken. A fierce beast that we’re told can’t be killed. Man doesn’t have a chance in this war. But driven by rage, Perseus doesn’t much care.

The weakest part of the story is in trying to figure out exactly what Zeus wants. His motivation makes no sense (actually, it’s all over the place) and that he would be dumb enough to get mixed up with Hades is even more confusing. What is interesting is seeing how these two fine actors found themselves together again 17 years after “Schindler’s List.”

The best way to describe the story would be as a quest; which is a polite way of saying “episodic.” What do you expect? This is “Clash of the Titans.”  We’re here to see creatures and swords and sandals and the head of Medusa. And in that respect, the film delivers. This is one of those movies where for the most part you feel you wasted your money until a big thrilling sequence comes along that un-numbs your butt and finally does make it worth the price of that admission.

The scene in Medusa’s lair is one of those sequences. Another of the film’s more winning qualities is an unexpected sense of humor. I was also surprised by how adorable my wife looks in big 3D glasses.

As Perseus, Worthington is a problem. Hollywood has embraced him as the Next Big Thing, and while it’s nice to see masculinity making a big screen comeback, he’s a bit of a blank slate. It’s like someone grabbed a faceless henchman out of the chorus line of a James Bond movie and made him a star. “Titans” is a film in desperate need of a leading man with personality. 25 years ago, Schwarzenegger would’ve turned this into an instant pulp classic.

WARNING: DO NOT SEE THE 3D VERSION. “Titans’” 3D conversion was a cynical last minute decision by the studio which resulted in a movie that looks way too dark. Normally, to compensate for this, 3D films are produced at much brighter levels. But since the decision came after it had already been shot (and “Avatar” broke the bank), with the glasses on many of the scenes are noticeably dark. It’s a big distraction in certain places (especially the action scenes) and I promise you won’t miss a thing in regular 2D.

Actually, you won’t miss much skipping it altogether. The special effects aren’t very good and lack the charm the great Ray Harryhausen brought to everything, including the original. There’s a surprising campiness to Olympus that probably wasn’t intentional, and too much stuff happens for no discernible reason — like the resolution of the final battle between Perseus and Hades. You will ask yourself: Where did that come from?

But somehow I still had fun; much more fun than either “Avatar” or “Alice in Wonderland” delivered, dark screen and all.

You wait for it.

You wait for it.

And then it happens: “Release the Kraken!”

You can’t put a price on feeling fifteen again, if only for a moment.