Packed full of attitude and most often without a set of legible instructions, it can be a daily battle for parents. You try your best but usually this is nowhere near good enough!
I blame several sources. But I rarely blame the parents themselves. Being one myself I’m naturally biased. Placing the onus on us everytime something goes wrong might well be the custom, but it isn’t always fair. Whilst acknowledging parental responsibility is important, I feel too many are given a raw deal.
There are simply too many rights for everyone these days. Our culture has shifted so much in only the last twenty years. When I was a kid, I was fearful of my mother and father. I dreaded them ever finding out about any dark little secrets pertaining to my behaviour. Though I was rarely smacked, the mere threat of such action was usually enough to illicit more acceptable conduct from me. They were allowed to smack me if necessary and I knew it! There was an inherent fear of adults in general, or at least a respect that ensured kids rarely crossed the line.
How times change. My kids don’t fear me! Perhaps I’m doing something wrong. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve questioned my own effectiveness as a responsible guardian. Though they are by no means the world’s worst in terms of behaviour, they can be something of a handful. Sometimes they need to be corrected, but this is where the issue becomes cloudy. Avoiding confrontation is something most parents try to do but sometimes a situation arises that needs to be dealt with effectively and finally! The problem is that parents have to confront these issues with both hands tied behind their back. Our lack of effectiveness is our weakness and if you know anything about kids, it’s that they are adept at exploiting a weakness.
It’s not my intention to sound negative about what is essentially a wonderful gift bestowed upon us. I love my children dearly – all three of them! They are, along with a successful marriage, amongst my biggest achievements in life. Why then do I often feel so paralysed, so out of touch and so damn guilty if i so much as shout at them!
As if our own insecurities weren’t bad enough, there seems little you can do to effectively correct your kids these days without drawing the attention of that new breed of public citizen – the do-gooder!
These type of people really get my goat. I’d like to differentiate between do-gooder’s and those fine members of the public who have in the past rightfully drawn attention to some serious issues within our society. I accept that public vigilance is a necessary part of modern living and plenty of good has spawned from such acute awareness. My quarrel lies with the “over zealous” types.
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Do-gooder’s generally consider themselves a class above. They are everywhere! Some have influential roles. They scorn at the very idea of parents forcibly correcting their children. In my opinion they are the bane of society and the reason for our social decline!
These people conspire to make the lives of parents infinitely more problematic. And quite often the irony is that many do not have children themselves, therefore cannot possibly understand the stresses of the worlds most arduous job.
Whilst I have not been the victim of a public outing by a Do-gooder, I feel for the many that have. Those parents that have been falsely accused of abusing their children. I’ve heard stories of parents being shopped to the police for supposedly ‘kicking’ their child, only for the accuser to later retract the statement after admitting they heavily embellished their report. It was purely down to the fact that they didn’t like the reaction of the parents at the time, admitting that they themselves overreacted!
The other issue is subjectivity. Kids are easily influenced. If a child is convinced of something, it sticks! If any kid hears from a particular source that Mummy or Daddy aren’t allowed to smack them, then that’s it! It’s black and white to them – no grey area! So, on the rare occasions I give my kids a modest smack on the bottom for their indiscretions, they respond by threatening me with police action, or a child support group. So once again I lose!
If I smack my child’s bottom, am I then an abusive father? If I decide to lock them in their room, am I in breach of their human rights? Such methods were well practised years ago and it never did my generation any harm, or the generation before that …
This subject is always guaranteed to incite a reaction. I’ve found myself discussing such issues with friends and work colleagues and it’s comforting to hear that I am not alone in my concerns.
In general, many people still support the use of physical punishment as an effective method of behavioural correction. Like me, these people do not care what the so-called “experts” have to say. It’s worth remembering though that this issue is not confined to the home.
The old debate regarding the administering of physical punishment in schools has once again been in the headlines recently.
When I was of school age, the cane was still an effective weapon. Despite being considered a ‘Draconian’ method by some, one relevant point is this - It was rarely used! The point is the threat was there and this alone was often enough to force most kids to behave.
As a result children learnt the importance not only of respect, but also developed a healthy fear of their elders. These days it’s the kids who are to be feared, and don’t they know it! You can’t convince me that there isn’t a connection between the abolishment of physical punishment in schools and the upsurge in negative behaviour amongst many of society’s youth.
Our current culture needs to look at the old methods of discipline and recall how effective they were in keeping children ‘in line’. Look at today’s adults from upwards of around 35. Some were once the recipients of such punishment. Have they gone on to become disassociated with society or psychologically disturbed by their experiences? Or have many turned out to be model citizens – fine upstanding members of the public? I can personally testify to the latter being the more accurate statement. Many of my associates have their own tales to tell regarding encounters with the birch. Not one of them believes removing such methods from schools was a sensible move!
Of course in the “good old days” you still had a few bad apples and they were dealt with accordingly. Now they’re everywhere. We are knee deep in a stinking, rotting mess and nobody is offering to “clean up!“.
I have to be careful not to place all children under the same banner. Indeed, there are some wonderful kids out there! My youngest daughter is a model citizen compared with her elder sister and brother. But can I take credit for that, as I would be expected to take the blame for her more negative aspects?
I appreciate not all will agree with my views, but I feel many will concur. Things need to change. A healthy fear and respect needs to be instilled back into our children!
Return the rights to parents. Allow them to administer sensible but effective discipline without fear of retribution. Give schools the option of dispensing necessary punishments befitting of the crime!. Stop hindering them and start helping!
Some parents give up through sheer frustration, just as many Teacher’s quit their post’s for similar reasons. They all realise their limitations and cannot handle the helplessness. This is why children often “go off the rails”and it only hinders their development at such a crucial stage in life.
Children know their rights only too well, both parents and schools might as well not have any!
